Our Philosophy

The Inspiration of Resilience

Our approach to mental health and wholeness starts with this fundamental belief:

The people who sit in our office are incredibly resilient.

Therapy (and mental health in general) can sometimes be very stigmatized and misunderstood. Some of our clients have been told that seeking therapy means that they are “weak,” or even “crazy.”

But what we see every day is quite the opposite, and we’re inspired by the resilience with which our clients cope with mental and emotional challenges.

Normal Reactions to a Broken World

Mia is a young girl who lives in fear of her alcoholic father coming home every evening. She doesn’t know what kind of mood he’ll be in… or whether she and her mother and siblings will be safe.

She wants to be invisible when he gets home, because she knows how painful it can be to catch his glance or get in his way. However, she also feels a tremendous amount of guilt when he is taking his anger out on another member of the family instead of her.

Notice how Mia’s mental and emotional pain and stress have the following “normal reactions”—the development of maladaptive beliefs and disorders over time:

“If I’m doing okay, it must be at the expense of someone else… I’m bad for trying to be okay” (codependence, poor emotional boundaries).

“There is nowhere that’s truly safe” (anxiety, panic).

“I’m not worth enough for anyone to do something about this violence” (depression, low self-worth).

“If I become as small as possible (physically and emotionally), maybe I’ll be safer and more in control” (disordered eating).

“What’s wrong with me?”

Twenty years later, now a young woman, Mia is suffering from depression, anxiety, relational problems, and an eating disorder.

She wonders…

“What’s wrong with me? I have a pretty good life… decent job, good friends. Sure, I’ve got some stuff in my past, but that was a long time ago. My life is pretty good right now. What’s wrong with me?”

The answer? Nothing.

Nothing is “wrong”… when you put the pieces together.

Nothing is wrong with her. She survived a broken, crazy situation. She probably did the most self-preserving and adaptive things a young child can do.

Her poor emotional boundaries allowed her to stay somewhat connected to the only community she had—in a situation with a strong pull toward disconnection and chaos.

Her anxious thoughts mobilized her to keep herself safe in an unsafe situation.

Her depressive, self-deprecating thoughts helped her young, undeveloped brain create a narrative that made the world around her make sense.

And her eating disorder helped her maintain a sense of control and safety in a chaotic home.

When Strategies for Adaptation No Longer Serve

But she’s not in that situation anymore, and her self-preservation tactics are no longer serving her. In fact, they may be killing her.

So, her resilient self-preservation kicks in again, and she decides to get help.

Healing and the Therapeutic Process

Mia reaches out to us and we set up an initial phone consultation. We look at where she’s been, where she is now, and where she wants to be.

Mia breathes a sigh of relief as she hears there’s hope. We set up our first session.

There is healing that begins very early on in her therapeutic process: Simply sharing our stories in a safe, non-judgmental space can start to lift shame and isolation… and help us start to see more clearly.

Mia also starts to realize that shifting some of her deep-seated thoughts and behaviors will take time… as we peel back all the layers.

Beyond Mere Survival

We are incredibly attached to the narratives that helped us get by—even when those narratives are steeped in self-criticism and low self-worth. When high anxiety has helped us survive, for example, we are not quick to loosen our grip on it.

Over the course of our time together in therapy, Mia realizes the ways in which she has believed lies about herself, others, and the world.

Mia starts to recognize that she’s settled for survival, and she makes a shift toward thriving.

If you’d like to explore how you can move from surviving to thriving, please call (323) 379-2147 for a free 20-minute phone consultation.